That’s right. I said it. The one thing I said I would never, could ever do, never be, a stay-at-home mom. And not even a real one for that matter.
When we moved to Paris, I took a six months off before starting to work again. The idea was to take care of the move, the new apartment, the paperwork, the baby and get us all settled in our new place. Six months came and went and I’m still at home, except that now, I am for good – well, not for good but for a longer time anyway. Of all the things I’ve done in my life, becoming a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest. Hard to believe isn’t it?
Why is it, you may ask? For one, it’s a complete instantaneous imbalance of your life. You go from a fully busy life from dawn til dusk, not stopping a second, to all of a sudden having no where to be at. The stop was so abrupt I got a whiplash. I used to work full time in the corporate world, train for an Ironman, take care of my baby, cook, garden, take care of the house and everything in between (think high productivity) and find time to have a shower at least once a day. Maybe that was too much. But it worked. Now, I’m left with 40 hours (plus commuting time) extra on my hands and all of a sudden, I’m a deer in the headlight. Literally.
As I was supposed to start working again last month, I wasn’t thinking too much of it. Only that I sucked at being a stay-at-home woman and that it was temporary. When the job offer came and was less than acceptable, I declined it. And then, along with my husband, we decided that I would ‘do my own thing’ for a while. I was, and still am, very happy with that decision. Except that I was left on the edge of nothingness. I spent a couple of week stressing out about what I was going to do: start a business, write a book, go back to school, etc. I had the chance to do whatever I want and I couldn’t think of what! Never did it occur to me that I could just ‘be’, that I could be a ‘stay-at-home mom’. The shame! The truth is, it’s one of the freaking hardest job in the world. Did you know that?
So I spent another week trying to figure what stay-at-home moms do and how they do it. How can a highly efficient engineer could suck so much at staying home? What was I missing? How did I go from Super Mom with my flying cape, to average mom? I was so puzzled I had to refrain from asking moms I met about it.
See what I’ve done in next post.